The Aftermath-A wordy description on how bad I sucked.

I waited awhile to post this.  It's been done for a few weeks and I am still heavy with emotion from this years waste.  To make it worse nothing is going right for us.  Every week something big happens that costs a lot money and time.  I'm tired and I'm fucking frustrated.  Here's my end of season thoughts on Placid:


The race is over and I am very happy for that.  This time around was much different than my first Ironman.  I am not excited that I finished.  I don't any special feelings towards the race.  It's just sort of Blah.  I don't know why I feel this way.  I tried to get fired up and it never manifested.  I do feel like I let a lot of people down and that really bothers me.  I thought about my season up to now and I know what went wrong. I am going to be brutally honest and lay it all out here.

1. Too much on my plate!  (or too small of a plate)
There is only so much one person can do.  I tested that.  There is also no shortage of people reminding me that I did this to myself.  I like to be challenged and I thrive under adversity however, there is a breaking point.  I made a big boy decision to pursue another aspect of myself.  I enjoy being an Industrial Hygienist and I left Ohio for an unbelievable opportunity to better myself and my family.  I have never been good in school and was always considered the dumb kid.  I'm not that dumb I just don't care to be competitive on what I know.  I'm better off being physically challenged.    My point is this.  I signed up for TTT, Morgantown, and IMLP last year.  I moved to GA in Feb.  We purchased a house in April.  I began a big renovation on the house, got a barn ready, finished fencing a small pasture, built a new chicken coop, moved, unpacked, etc.  On top off the moving I have this new job, 2 weddings (one in vegas), all while trying to maintain a consistent training schedule.  The plate was too full.  I had no time to recover from anything. What would happen is that I would just crash and have to take an unplanned rest day. A lot of the house work got to me, try crawling around on your knees for 8 hrs plus the added up an down to make trim cuts.  When  that's done go nail a key ride or run.  It doesn't happen.

2. Opinions and Expectations
I had a good day at IMKY.  I know I had a lot of room for improvement and I tried to start attacking that.  Problem is that everyone around me started developing these expectations and opinions of everything I did.  I could never win.   I could never breath.  Why aren't you at the pool, why aren't you out running, why did you drink last night, why aren't you training more.   Well...Pools closed, it's raining, I'm stressed, I'm tired.  I had some wonderful people reach out and take care of me this year and I am truly grateful and I feel horrible I couldn't pull it off.

3. Swimming
This is  huge.  I listened to some others people opinions.  Swim less run more.  I barely swam this year.  No kidding, less than 25% of what I have done in the past.  Here is my theory on that.  I understand that swimming takes more time to get fast.  I'm already fast but, swimming is so much more to me.  It's 7 hrs a week that I have at 5am to recover.  When I run or bike my mind wanders.  When I swim I am always focused.  Focused  in everything.  I physically recover in the pool while gaining cardio as well.  It's my cornerstone and without my entire foundation crumbles.  Next IM season I will base my week off of masters swimming.

4. Too much other crap
I let a lot of things cloud what I love about triathlon.  If you let the tri culture and athlete into your head then everything becomes too mechanical.  Measure this, weigh that.  Who cares if your wheels are 14g lighter than mine.  If you aren't out there busting your ass it doesn't matter.  If you don't walk away from every workout thinking " Damn, I put it out there today".  I'm proud I haven't been injured in 20 months.  I shouldn't be.  No overuse injuries because I never overused anything.  I tried to let all this science dictate what I should be doing.  People said "Don't swim, Run.  You can't win in the water"  BS I say.  I may not have won but I sure stomped everyone.  I doubt I will be buying into very much after this.  I'm tired of the whole "buying performance".  I was guilty.  I served my time.  I always did well with the minimum.  I don't need a powertap, a computrainer, compression anything, oakleys, ten pairs of shoes...etc etc. 

5. Arrogance and Focus
I had a great 2009.  It came pretty easy too.  I though I could continue with that.  I was wrong.  2010 wasn't so great and this year sucked. I felt so guilty all year because I moved my family here and now I was never around.  I'm sure they didn't really miss me but when anything went wrong I was sure reminded over and over.  I lost all of my focus, there was so much shit going on in my life I couldn't handle it all.  I tried and failed.  Next time I will only take on what I can handle...actually I will only focus on the training. 

Where we headed:
I have big plans for the next two years.  My goals are simple.  Train hard. Race harder. Leave nothing.  A week after Placid I rode in a benefit for the local ballet.  I rode hard with the front group and actually split the Augusta 70.3 course in a PR 56 mile time. Somewhere along the ride I was stung by something on the knee.  I felt like I was choking and had a little heartburn.  By the time we were done I was covered in hives and my face was swelling.  I took 2 benedryl and 4 beers and felt better.  I didn't think about it again until a few weeks later.  I had been on a 3 day drinking binge and at 1am on a saturday I was stung by several fire ants on the foot.  Within 90 minutes I was in the ER having an anaphylactic reaction.  I was unconscious at this time.  Turns out I now have an allergy.  Unfortunately it's one that can kill me and almost did.  I was pretty sure I was done when I was just too tired to breathe...This is the point where Natalie epipenned me.  I think I saw her smile as she did so.  I realized something in the following week.  WTF am I doing?  How could I let all this happen?  I am taking until January 1st to figure some things out and just run.  At that time I am starting back into a regular swim schedule and long ass events.  No way am I letting an ant take me out.  I imagine my day is going to come at full speed downhill or 10 miles out in the ocean during an out and back swim.  I've wasted 2 years of my life being a pussy.  I know I should be putting 100% into developing my kids athletic future...I'll find a way for both and soon enough we will do it together.  As for the future, I want to race IMCDA in 2013.  In 2012 I'll hit a few local oly's, TTT and Augusta.  I'd love to throw REV3CP in there.  That course is ridiculously fast. Pepper in some 50k's and maybe a 50 miler.  Hopefully I can get out to the Potomac river next year too...That's it.