Arg...Where in the hell is it....?

I was jolted awake by the horrible song of a stock ring tone as my LG sung that awful tune. Ruby was not all that happy, maybe not because of the noise but, because I’m not her people. I’ll do for now. I got up sat there on the edge of the broke down daybed in an unfamiliar room. By the time I opened my eyes after a hard blink I knew where I was and why. Problem is that I’ve misplaced something. It’s lost, can’t find it. So I get dressed and sip down a hot cup of domestic from an old jelly jar now kids cup. I’m looking around the kitchen and it’s not here either. I spotted my shoes and decide that maybe tackling that task will help me find what I’m looking for. Nope. I pull on my Craft FF coat (insert plug) and grab my overstuffed bag that reeks from last nights workout clothes then head out the door. As I stepped outside I hope that icy cold air could possibly bring some sense back into my actions. Maybe it’s out here…or even in my car. Unfortunately the only thing there is my frozen bike that I’m sure feels neglected for being abandoned on a sub 20 degree night in the hatchback. I begin my drive to the pool looking over my shoulder at her sitting there giving me the ol’ stink aero bar. I turn the wipers on and spritz the window a bit, just then realizing the windows aren’t fogged, it’s just me not finding what I’m looking for. The drive was just long enough to tease me with a little heat. Hoping out of the car I envision an early season demise as I slip in the parking lot and undo 3 months worth of fitness. Not the lucky today because I’m confident if I did fall the sudden pain still wouldn’t help me remember where I left it. As I entered the building the receptionist smile and said “Good Mornng”, I only sorta smiled back, I could see she didn’t have it. I walked into the locker and slowly got dressed…or undressed and walked into the pool area. The smell of chlorine was comforting, as it has been for 20 years. I brief smile crossed my lips as I approach the edge of the pool. Looking across my crystal blue drawing board I could see it’s not in the pool. I didn’t get it. It’s always the last place I look. There’s no further to go. It should be here. A heavy feeling crosses my entire body and crushed the spirit I usually have every morning before I jump in. I snapped my goggle straps across my head, lightly pulling at the ends of my already chlorine deteriorated hair. Little pinches that I’ve felt a thousand times before, except not I find them extra irritating. One big jump out and I splashed into the coldness I didn’t want to feel at all, surely this will bring me to my senses…

I was jolted awake by the horrible tune of a stock ring tone as my LG sung that awful tune. Ruby was not all that happy, maybe not because of the noise but, because I’m not her owner. I’ll do for now. I got up sat there on the edge of the broke down daybed in an unfamiliar room…Oh. Crap. No. All that in the time between my snooze alarms. I couldn’t believe how real it felt. I went through the motion, just as I had thought I did. This time when I hit the pool is when I had realized that no little saying like “Go Hard or Go Home”, or “Just Do It” or any Ironman video, or Linkin Park song was going to get my ass going. This morning I had lost it. I think it’s all part of the process. Now it’s up to me to figure out how to find it. It being my motivation. Yep. That’s it. All that BS above because I didn’t feel like working out. I still went. I still swam 3000 yds. I still did some awesome negative split 300 repeats on a 3:45. But again, where did it go? I had it but now it’s gone. I can only pretend that somewhere in a parallel universe there’s a motivation writing a blog on how it lost it’s Christian. Let’s hope we both wake up and meet for a brick in the morning.